An open letter to myself (this was saved in drafts for a few months)

Dear Becky,

Things that Are:

October

You babysit most nights of the week (Tuesday through Saturday night)

You enjoy it a lot of the time and have come to realise the value of both this job and the experience and knowledge it brings you.

You work at the Podiatry clinic once a week. You love getting things done correctly and finishing all of your filing and making yourself a coffee and sneaking a monte carlo. You get upset when you make mistakes in making appointments and over-charging patients with a pension. 

Your room is almost always chaos. You tell yourself it is comforting and warm

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Added November:

You realise that you complained a shit load about being an almost full time babysitter. You realise that you are going to miss the kids like death, both of them in different ways.

You wish you had the ability to make new friends all by yourself.

You have the ability to make friends all by yourself, except these new friends annoy you and you don’t want to be friends with these new people that you aren’t used to like your friends from school.

You don’t appreciate late night text messages from the person you are desperately in ‘like’ with.

You wish they were day time messages.

You wish he really really wanted you.

You enjoyed smoking weed with your best friends. You think its a bit of a time waster though and doesn’t provide many benefits. Maybe next time you should smoke a little less and go and do something fun while you’re high.

You are an on and off bitch to your mother. 

You were really disturbed when your mother warned you that if you lived with a guy next year you might be tempted to have sex with him if intoxicated. You really didn’t like when she said that. It made you feel awkward. You didn’t like when she said she was really ‘tame’ when she was your age either. You ran to your room to hide and be hungover in peace without the disturbing comments from your mother. She found you though and made a series of joke-like comments about sex. 

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Added December 

Wow you slept with the guy you were desperately in like with. 

He was surprised when you told him you ‘liked’ him

You think/ know there is no future there and this is going to suck.

You finished babysitting- permanently and don’t know how you feel about that just yet…you wish you had saved a little more money.

You’re going to New Zealand on Thursday.

You and you’re mum are getting along like a house on fire. A great relationship is healing and growing. 

You’re looking for share houses and apartments to live in.

You wish someone would take your hand and lead you to all the places you need to go, tell you how to do whatever you want to do and do it the best way possible.

You feel pressured and relaxed at the same time and it is unsettling. 

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Added after you went to New Zealand, December.

You’ve been back for three days.

You got accepted into uni.

You got that magazine you’ve been waiting for, for 5 months.

You got a job interview.

You got laid by the guy you usually get laid by. Not the one from last time, you aren’t as ‘desperately in like’ with him anymore. 

You were in a car accident that almost ended your life.

Your thumb feels broken.

You’re wondering if you want a slam piece or a boyfriend.

You know where you can find said slam-piece.

You have no idea where to find said boyfriend.

A gypsie told you you’d find love in the summer of 2011.

You trust gypsies now. 

(Been adding to this for a while, going to add more later possibly)

Greatest feelings of rejection are not helped by dreary weather and cakes not turning out good

Not hope

3am texts are nice I guess. Hook ups are fine. I need someone. Non platonic. Good head etc. 

trixietreats:

CHLOE VAN PARIS: INSPIRATIONS OF THE WEEK
MERYL 

MERYL 

This girl should make better records.

This girl should make better records.

I WATCHED TWO ROM-COMS TONIGHT

Single-itis here we go again.

BETTY SPAGHETTI!!! 

BETTY SPAGHETTI!!! 

Because cats are the new meme